Anxiety Cat

I sit here and think of how far I’ve come. More often I think I am making my way out the other end of the tunnel, almost out the other end. And I think on the other sufferers who have it worse than I do, or who have just entered this journey, or who are struggling to get out. There are some words I’d like to say to them, things I wish someone could have said to me. Because it does hurt to have anxiety in a way that I’m not sure other disorders completely encompass. Because anxiety is the secret disease, one that often even if we want to, we couldn’t tell someone, ask for help, ask for them to care. And that is a terribly lonely experience- suffering every day and being the only one who knows it.

I want you to know that I am proud of you. I know you try so hard every single day, I know you do your best. It’s so difficult sometimes for you to do the simplest every day tasks. I know you want to be normal! I know you must be aching to be able to do this or that just like every one else, confident and at ease. And I am so proud that in the face of all this you push on and do your best. You are so loved- by your friends, family, admirers, and angels.

I want you to know that you are strong. You balance your world on your shoulders beautifully even with the extra storm clouds that weigh a ton. It may not seem like it, but these feelings were put in place by our brains to protect us from situations that were harmful. And what a wonderful job your brain did! It did it’s best to make life as easy as possible for you; now however, those anxious feelings are no longer needed. You are so so strong for pushing on through these storms, and your strength will only grow.

I want you to know not to get confused between the beast and yourself. Something that helped me immensely was recognising that though I get terribly shy sometimes, those moments are not ruled by my personality but instead by my anxiety disorder. When I’m comfortable and feeling myself I am loud, funny, confident. When I’m truly me, amongst good friends where my anxiety can’t reach me.

I want you to know that help is available, you can get over this, you won’t live the rest of your life in this way if you choose not to. See a councillor; talk to a friend or a parent or a tree; meditate; practice your breathing; use affirmations; learn mindfulness; meet other anxiety sufferers; read as much as you can; learn from your body the best ways to calm yourself down; make yourself a theme song; close your eyes; let it all out to someone; don’t be afraid to cry; write your story; paint your painting; sing your song; trust someone completely; love yourself unconditionally.

My darlings, I send you so much love.

—‘The Black Bath’- 33rd on blogspot